Hello wrold.
Things have been serious for me for the past 1 year and month. If you are easily shocked, please, be ready for the reality of what has happened to me.
The reality of what has happened: Kidnapped, me. A victim, me. Changed for the better, me.
Many of you will be thinking, how? What? Where? By whom? For what purpose?
And I am ready to answer all of your Q's. Here. Now. And for the record.
Chapter 1: The Dirtiest Deeds
As you know, the last post showed what I was doing before I was 'napped. My wive and I, together, in lust, in connection and in real, deep, honest love forever and ever.
A moment of connection between me and my wive.
Everything was going well until I handed out my anniversary present (Me telling her that I would be there for her).
I BRB'd myself from our anniversary hut, and got an empty Black and Decker box where I placed a small Hallmark card (pic below), with the following note:
"Hey,
Really been having fun for the past years, just wanted 2 let u no that I'll be there for you.
From, Joba"
I knew she would like it, I knew she would melt, I knew she would give me a big kiss on my lips!
Little did I know that she had something else in store for me with that sweet kiss.
A 'napping.
Chapter 2: The Scrumptious Truths of Solitary Confinement
I gave her my gift and next thing I know I wake up in a dark room. The room was quiet and I was alone, scared, and wet.
I had a pain in my side, and a heart filled with sad tears.
This is a pic I took of myself during my most vulnerable state.
There are a few things you learn when you are dealing with a hard time:
1. Be strong
2. Love yourself
3. God
4. Just, relax, ok? Christ...
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1. I was trapped in a dark place for a long long long long time (1 and one quarter year). No food, no friends, nobody to tell me stories.
So yeah, I got strong. Oh yeah I got strong. And I've never looked back since.
2. Most people ignore how important it is to be in love with yourself.
After a long time in a dark room, I can tell you how much I love myself: just, a lot.
When I realized that the dark room I was in was the janitor's closet of a Wienerschnitzel fast food restaurant, I realized how intelligent I am. When I figured out where the door knob was, I realized how quick I am to come up with solutions. When I gave myself a hickey on my arm to simulate romance during my period of isolation, I realized how good I am at intimacy and also at quick thinking.
See, how could I not be in love with myself.
Next thing I learned.
3. God.
With prayer and other things like prayer, like worshipping, and also other things that are similar to all of that, I found and learned about my God.
Look, I am not going to preach to you. But listen up: I found God.
Just me here, not much to explain. Oh yeah, totally praying :P
Next.
4. I learned a lot about how to relax.
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Having been kidnapped and put into a janitor's closet at a Wienerschnitzel near a major highway was really a life-changing experience, as you can see.
Where I lived for 1 and one quarter year.
But there is more that happened while I was gone that I know you want to know about. So here it is:
My wive and I are divorce
My son has moved to a Spain
My home from where I lived before is now a Lucille Roberts gym (Yes, I am a member).
Thats it.
And because I always love to leave you with a fun image (that is also thought-provoking),
I thought it would be most appropriate to show you a celebration pic after I was found:
Dear friends, Kale (left), and Baxter (right) and myself (central) celebrating my return at a beach event.
Get ready for my Life N' Stuf Blog blog posts in the coming months and weeks.
Celebrate your life,
Celebrate yourself,
Jobå
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