The Two Gifts that Should Be On Every One's Shopping List: Medical Food and LLS (Lappie Learning System)

Hello wrold, how is your live?

Today's journal entry is going to be quick, subtle, sweet, and supple.   I am here to tell you a little bit about your Holiday Wish-List for dear family friends.

So I was recently browsing my online malls looking for a gift for my good dear friend Brine.  She is very much into water-sports and she is a fiend with her outdoor Weber grille. 

"This image depicts Brine (right) and a mysterious woman (left)"

 

I knew that Brine enjoyed sitting on laps and she also loved learning new things.  I knew I had to incorporate the two in order to hit a grand-slam with my friend.  I decided to do some investigative web surfing.  After stumbling upon a couple PG-13 to X Rated sites regarding the sometimes sensual connotation of "lap sitting", I found the G-Rated version that I had been searching for.

I found the LLS: The Lappie Learning System.  The Lappie Learning System was designed by genius Deboruh Crunj, a professor at the Fun Tun Tun Institute for Advanced Learning Software.  After reading her brave biography, I knew about her craving for sitting on a good lap.

I knew her tendency to learn.  I finally knew that something special was up Mrs. Crunj's sleeve. 

"This is an image depicting Deboruh Crunj"

Crunj's technique is one that incorporates many many different fields.  The "Crunj Technique" is influenced by cultural anthropology, Freudian psychology, orthopedics, and Tibetan oral traditions.  During one of her 1.5 hour sessions, Deboruh takes you to a secluded park where she sits you upon her warm and luxurious lap.  She strokes your hair and whispers the course material longingly into your ear.  She often times incorporates humor into her subject matter, and it is alright if the student does jiggle in her lap, perhaps out of laughter.  At the end of the session Deboruh sings a song of folklore and magic which sends the student to a dreamworld of creativity and learning; once the student is in full trance Professor Crunj lightly taps the rear end of the student popping them off her lap into the fresh park air.  A job well done!

I immediately bought 2-3 sessions for my friend Brine.

Oops, looks like I am out of time.  Perhaps I will write about my other gifts later.  Perhaps not. 

With love,

Mysticism,

Animism,

and Zoroaster's wonderful spirit,

Joba

Blog Sponsorship: Need Affordable Highland Wear and Accessories?

Hello wrold.  I would like to apologize for my extended absence, but I have very good knews.  Recently my blog was sponsored by one of my favorite websites:

www.thefrugalcorner.com

Folks: Let me tell you something.  This is the website you need for the holiday season.  Need something for little Tim-Tim?   Get him a nice SGIAN DUBH.

"Sgian Dubh's are constructed with Stainless steel blades and composite handles.  Handle has a thistle design and the sheath is composite with metal."

This is the perfect gift for even the most novice hunters in the family: just slip this in behind your TARTAN FLASHE, for a sultry result.  This would be the perfect present for your young boy, or perhaps that caribou hunting woman in your life.

Need something for that traditional Nordic wedding in February?  Buy the men a round of HAGGIS and GHILLIE SHOES.  Afterwards, rub the little boys' teeth with some gin and dress em' up in some KILTS and SPORRANS.

This boy is wearing a nice "BLACK WATCH" kilt while holding up the Welsh flag; this picture is beaut.

But Joba, how on Earth do I match my KILT HOSE with my KILT PIN?! And what about the rest of the Celtic Brides's-Grooms's, how on earth am I going to coordinate the proper GHILLIE SHIRT colour?

Well, with "The Frugal Corners" easy web layout and fanciful Highland theme, shopping for a Nordic wedding is as easy as:

UN

DAU 

TRI

(Welsh Language translation courtesy of my good friend Julian-Anne at The Frugal Corner, thanks for the help and the sassy dialogue Julian-Anne.  It is always a pleasure talking to such a sassy Nordic broad)

Well.  I have had enough drooling over this Highland gear.  Please, go to www.thefrugalcorner.com, and give yourself a treat this holiday season.

And remember, on those anniversary nights after watching your daughter dance in the local Highland dancing competition, go in for the kiss that will seal the deal with your beloved wife. But, SLOW DOWN THERE TIGER, make sure to tell your woman: Rwy'n Dy Garu Di (I Love You)

Thank you,

Love,

Wishes,

Kisses,

Crescents,

And fervent wishes,

Joba "S" Jorgen

Operation C.H.A.S.T.E. : "Children for Healing All S**ually Transmitted Endemics"

Hello wrold. Today I am going to discuss something important, something near and dear to my heart. Children's chastity is something that most people dare speak of.

They know that children now-a-day-s are drinking, eating, drugging, and having s**. But today I am here to break the steorotype of silence. I will speak about this disease that is affecting our kids.

I did some research lately at my local book stop and found some fascinating information. S****lity was invented in the late 19th century as an easier way to have children. It was used to calm the tensions of the WWII fighters in Russia and the Pacific.

"This is an etching of a famous late 19th century woman. The artist depicts a woman ready and willing to have multiple **xes"

They needed an easier way to create children and simultaneously work out the tension and aggression that can come from fighting in a war. On the surface, it was a great idea, but the creators had no idea about its ramifications almost a decade later in the present day.


**x is now being done by children.

They are going to elementary schools and pre-schools where the teacher's are showing them what they need to do and they how they need to do it.

Personally I think we need to go back to the way things were before. A simpler time.

I met a woman at Operation C.H.A.S.T.E. who completely agrees. Her name is Marge-Rita and she is starting an after-school program at a local highs-chool and middles-chool promoting "sex-free child birth".

"Marge-Rita, her new puppy, and me posing for the picture"

I had the time to talk to Marge-Rita. I asked her a few questions:

"Marge, so tell it to me straight, what is the deal with this after school program you are starting?"

"Well, Joba, I am starting this program to help the kids not have 'you know what'. They want to have children, and they want to do it now. It is a much faster time then when we were growing up (laughs), they are getting the children sooner and sooner."

"You could say that again, Marge-Rita. You really could."

"The thing that really grinded my gears about the whole thing was that these children started having more and more ***!!"

"Good point Marge-Rita, I would just like to have a friendly reminder to tone down the language (laugh)"

"(laugh)"

"But seriously, I will stop the god damn interview if you don't cut that shit out now."

I wont post the entire thing because it was long. But I will tell you that it was informative, creative, and definitely. Marge-Rita had some wonderful points that really got me thinking. I hope this article has done the same for you!

With love,
Safety,
Charity,
Joba

My Friends, I love you gusy!

Hello wrold. Today I had a very nice day. It involved me and some friends sharing a nice time together.

I went to a bountiful picnic with a handle-full of dear close family friends; it was a nice affair with plenty of appetizing cuisine.
I brought some delicious pasta salads:

Caitlynne and I shared some dee-licious barbecued lamb with ranch dippin' sauce. It was very tantalizing; believe me!

"This is a picture of me and Caitlynne, as you can see I can barely resist grabbing one of Caitlynne's succulent barbecued shanks"

Gary brought his famous beets; as usual they tasted like fecaes.

"Gary holding his fecal beets"

Well all together it was a wonderful night.
We share some laughs, we shared some cries,
we shared some foods.









Unfortunately there was one thing that just was NOT as superb as I would have liked. An old friend turned enemy appeared at my picnic, uninvited. She was harassing my friends and stirring up every kind of trouble.

I said to her in a very reserved but still zesty manner: "Back off, before I do something big, bad, and bombastic".

This time she listened; however it didn't stop her from spitting out her last words:


"Chef Cathy Zeis is a far better friend than you could have ever been!"





"Cathy Zeis, chef, entrepreneur, and creator of Creative Cuisine ltd."



I laughed at her comment, but on the inside it stung like a mosquito bit. I asked myself: what does Cathy Zeis have that I don't? Sure she has the look and she makes very good calamari, but that is beside the point. Was it the way I walked? My odour? My slight swagger? Was I too forward? Did I ever pressure my old friend into anything that she didn't want to do (ie: a poorly timed game of tennis or badminton)? I could not think of the answers quickly enough. I broke out into a cold sweat and my palms began to drip with perspiration. My friends gathered around me and stroked my forehead pacifying me temporarily, but still my heart ached.

My heart still aches to this day. I took an antacid tablet and it went away for an hour or two so I could watch my favorite show "Dirty, Sexy, Money" and "The Real Housewives of Atlantis", but soon it came back.

Does anyone have tips for my heart ache?

Love, Tenderness, Sweetness, Nibbles, Bits, and all the Rest,
My heart to yours,
Love, always and forever,
Rememberences,
Joba Jorgen

Boba and Awkward Hugs.

"Me casually sitting with a refreshing drink, enjoying a new shirt"

"OMG SARAH-ANNE, LETS TOTALLY GET SOME BOBA DURING OUR FREE!"
"OMG DENNISEE, THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, I AM LIKE STARVING LO!L!L!L!L!L!"

Hello wrold. This is my blog.
Today I will be talking about Boba and awkward hugs:
About a fortnight ago as I was casually lounging around St. Augistine by the sea church, as I normally do on the Lord's day and an acquaintance offered me something peculiar, something exotic, something sensual. She had offered me a drink filled with exotic custardy pearls. I thought the straw was rather peculiar, but I took no notice as I inhaled 20-30 pearls.

The pearls slided down my esophagus, past my esophagial sfincter, past my epoglatus, through the trachea, deep into my lungs, it was a nice feeling.

I felt something odd inside of me, something I had never felt before. The girl began to laugh as she put on a maniacal smile.

She began to look me straight in the face:

"Big boy, big boy, big boy, I have got you now Big Boy!". She let out a devilish scream that curdled the blood in my veins.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I said, gargling massive amounts of CUSTARD BALLS.

She began to control my body with her mind. I won't outline what she made me do, as it is embarrassing to me, my family, my community, and my emotional/psychological/mental wellbeing.

The boba had traveled deep up my spinal cord into my brain where it has layed dormant for the past 2 weeks. I can't get rest for fear that my boba wielding nemesis will control my body again.
Please, if anyone is reading this; save yourself and don't yield to the boba drinking masses, with their over sized plastic straws and their diabetes.

Thank you and God bless America,
JOBA