The Death of a Friend and Maritime Traditions

Hello wrold?

I have sad news for you.  Many of you have been calling me on my cellular asking about my whereabouts; you ask me questions about my health.  Yo

u ask me questions about my feelings.  You ask me sensual questions of notable w

orth.

I have answered them all half-heartedly.  Secretly, I have been hiding a secret sadness from the wrold. 

My good dear familial friend Reginald died recently from a bad canker.

Debbie "Reginald" Mumford.  

Born: Frebruarry 28, 1999 Die:  May 1, 2009

At Reginald's funeral I gave a nice eulogy; I decided I would incorporate some recent tools from speech class to give a nice effect:

First let me identify exactly what I wanted to do with my speech:

1.  Prevent tears.

2.  Stop sadness in its sad tracks.

3.  Prevent sniffles.

4.  Put smiles on their faces with a gentle caress (with words or otherwise).

Tactics Employed:

1)  Shadenfroida

I decided to talk about some embarrassing things in my life to prevent people from crying at the funeral.

Did it work?  Yes.

At first I talked about my comical mishaps with flax seed powder.  Have you heard of the flax?  If not, research.  If so, read on compatriot.

My good dear friend Len-Glena preparing a mixture of orange water and flax.

As you may or may not know I suffer from EIBS  (Easily Irritated Bowel Syndrome).  

JK (nope, I am serious!  <-- Humorous device)

After talking about my bowel for a good 29 minutes I moved on to a topic that was sure to please: Tots and Toddlers.

I talked about how I once mistook a Toddler for one of those "little people", as they liked to be called (I read a book on it).  This caused laughter and the prevention of tears in the crowd.

2.  Humor

I decided since it was a dark time I had to do something a little racy.  I prepared a large physical comedy gag for the funeral that was sure to please.  I climbed atop the podium and stripped partially nude.

This is what I looked like!

Me preparing for the physical comedy gag.

Thanks for the reading!

Love always and forever,

Your friend and confidant,

Joba!

Visiting Family Friends in the East-Coast

Hello wrold!

Well as you probably know I recently went on a trip for pleasure to the big Apples, that is right folks, The New York City!  I went to Tim's Square and all the rest!

I ate at a wonderful Bar-B-Q restaurant and made sure to see the one true love of my live:

"The love of my live"

 There were some aspects of my voyage that left me scared, scarred, and saddened.  I was surprised by how unfriendly many of the city's tenants seemed to be, to me!

Can you believe that?  A foreigner in their own city and they have the gall to insult me with their vulgar words!

But this is nothing compared to what happened when I was aboard a "Subway Train" in this city.

I was standing next to a vertical pole on the "Subway Train" and I look over to my right and there I see a man committing a wild and vulgar act!  Aboard a public transportation device!

I won't describe exactly what he was doing, but I will say that I am lucky I escaped before he began to publicly urinate!

I ran to the corner of the Subway where I stood, tears rolling down my bearded cheeks.

Upon my arrival at the destination, I told my story to an attendant, she seemed to not understand me and instead decided to eat a large hamburger and sing aloud her rendition of Beyonce Knowles' R & B smash hit "Single Lads".

By this point, I was a mess.  I was flustered, sweaty, crying, and my beard was disheveled beyond belief!  

Here is a picture of what I looked like:

But, after that breakdown, I moved on.  I received some guidance from a good friend named Jakyi.  She helped me cope.

With wishes,

quiches,

fishes,

and, of course, brishes,

Jobá

Where have I bean? I will tell you where I have bean?

Hello wrold.

First I must apologize to you for my extended absence; forgive me.

Things have been very hectic for me lately, my boy Chet has been doing fencing all weekend and my girl Donna has been singing her heart out at the local competitions.  Needless to say things have been hectic.

With the economy the way it has been, my life has been also a bit hectic.  I have been very conservative with my money spending, but it has been hard.  My dog choked on a link of sausage two weeks ago, please, don't be frightened:  he was fine, physically.

However, on the inside: it was a completely different story.

My dog was suffering from CPTSD  (Canine Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Emotionally, Psychologically, and spiritually, my dog was ailing.   Needless to say, this has made my life a little bit hectic.

On the other hand, live has been nice.  I visited a good friend who has been having some hardships lately.  Pasqual has been really feeling the recession lately, needless to say things have been a bit hectic for this individual.

Pasqual is an odd man sometimes, my friend.  I question whether or not I should share this odd event with my readers, but it is just too juicy to let slip away.  I am going to give in to my guilty pleasure and reveal an odd event that occurred between me and Pasqual.  Pasqual requested an odd favor of me the other day, but I thought nothing of it.  This individual asked me to stuff pillows with bitter greens; my pal told me that he possessed an interest in sleeping atop these pillows (apparently it had been a long time dream of his).  I told him the greens would wilt, but alas Pasqual was having none of my quiet consultations.  I quickly stuffed his pillows with the bitter greens and vacated his home.  

I left wondering about my friend.  This is what I get for being friends with so many eccentrics!! 

LOL!!!

There was something odd about the entire event, something that really just got me thinking.  With all of this thinking, things have become really hectic for me lately with all of this stuff going on in my life too as well as the other things that are happening with me.

Once again, I would like to say to my readers: I am sorry.  This post is very late.  Frogive me?!

Cheers!

joba