Hello wrold?
I have sad news for you. Many of you have been calling me on my cellular asking about my whereabouts; you ask me questions about my health. Yo
u ask me questions about my feelings. You ask me sensual questions of notable w
orth.
I have answered them all half-heartedly. Secretly, I have been hiding a secret sadness from the wrold.
My good dear familial friend Reginald died recently from a bad canker.
Debbie "Reginald" Mumford.
Born: Frebruarry 28, 1999 Die: May 1, 2009
At Reginald's funeral I gave a nice eulogy; I decided I would incorporate some recent tools from speech class to give a nice effect:
First let me identify exactly what I wanted to do with my speech:
1. Prevent tears.
2. Stop sadness in its sad tracks.
3. Prevent sniffles.
4. Put smiles on their faces with a gentle caress (with words or otherwise).
Tactics Employed:
1) Shadenfroida
I decided to talk about some embarrassing things in my life to prevent people from crying at the funeral.
Did it work? Yes.
At first I talked about my comical mishaps with flax seed powder. Have you heard of the flax? If not, research. If so, read on compatriot.
My good dear friend Len-Glena preparing a mixture of orange water and flax.
As you may or may not know I suffer from EIBS (Easily Irritated Bowel Syndrome).
JK (nope, I am serious! <-- Humorous device)
After talking about my bowel for a good 29 minutes I moved on to a topic that was sure to please: Tots and Toddlers.
I talked about how I once mistook a Toddler for one of those "little people", as they liked to be called (I read a book on it). This caused laughter and the prevention of tears in the crowd.
2. Humor
I decided since it was a dark time I had to do something a little racy. I prepared a large physical comedy gag for the funeral that was sure to please. I climbed atop the podium and stripped partially nude.
This is what I looked like!
Me preparing for the physical comedy gag.
Thanks for the reading!
Love always and forever,
Your friend and confidant,
Joba!
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